His challenges are going to be physical and mental and although we have been through so much physically with him, I was hoping to avoid mental issues. It is so extremely hard to know that my child will have to struggle in this world, even more than I anticipated. I just want to protect him from the cruel ness of this world and right now I am still in the anger stage. I just want to take the pain he will endure in his little life.
I feel alone, although I know so many go through this all over the world. I feel like I don't want anyone to know because I want to protect myself from the hurtful and insensitive comments people make at times like this. I know people mean well but a mother looking at this future doesn't want to hear that it will be alright, or you never know, things could change. No one just mourns with you, they want to fix something that can't be fixed. Which is the hardest part as a mother, I CANT FIX IT! I can take him to therapy and help him but there is no cure. Oh, and yes, I know that God can do miracles but I also know that it is not God's plan for everyone to be "normal". This may be the path that God has for us and our son and that realization is going to take a lot of time and faith to wrap my head around.
God is our strength and I am so thankful He can be my Comforter too. He doesn't downplay my feelings or make me feel like my fears aren't real. He just stands next to me and holds me while whispering encouragement to me. Tis more than I handle, alone, so I expect this to grow my faith.
HUGS Heather. If you ever just want to hang out and cry or yell or talk I'm here. The kiddos and I can come visit and you can just let it out. Or whatever you need. I understand some of what you are going through but not all but I am willing to listen and to hug.
ReplyDeleteOh Heather ...You know it's almost providence that I read your blog post (and discovered your blog for the first time) today. Yesterday we learned that Ella has 18q Deletion Syndrome as well as a translocated chromosome. This is the reason behind all of her physical issues, as well as her cognitive delays and intellectual disabilities. I do hurt with you, and I feel we have so much in common with our adopted children. When you wait for so long, and go through the pain of that ... only to have the pain of a child that is not as you expected, you go through a wide range of emotions ... fear, anger, pain, loss, grief ... you are NOT alone. I read a post yesterday from someone that has a child with a similar chromosome issue that said she is jealous of others who have "normal" children. She wants that so bad ... I get that. I want that too ... and yet for some reason God has entrusted us with someone that is "broken". Try to remember that God has put Simon in your care for a reason that only HE fully understands ... but I believe He is writing not only Simon's story, but yours as well. Trust Him Heather ... I don't have all the answers, but I'm trying really, really hard to lean on Jesus.
ReplyDelete